25 Unbelievably Boring Things You Didn't Know About Me

1) I sleep in a hyperbaric chamber. This is to ensure that I stay beautiful and look 28 for the rest of my life.

2) I don't believe in gravity. Not like "ooh, the gravity of the situation is unbearable." More like the gravity that allegedly keeps us from floating off into space...I just don't think it's real.

3) I have 46 different tubes of mascara. And have tried them all. And still haven't found one that I am completely impressed with.

4) I've had 4 concussions in my life.

5) I've had 4 concussions in my life.

6) Don't tell anyone, but I have a secret crush on Leonard Nimoy.

7) Don't tell my husband...but I adore Lady Gaga. I'm serious, don't tell him. He'll never let me hear the end of it!

8) If I could be 21 again...I wouldn't...maybe I'd like to stay at 25...but I don't ever want to be 21 ever again.

9) My hair isn't real. I'm actually bald. I suffer from a rare condition called alpha-1 antiepidermalhair syndrome. I've had this problem for 10 years. Every 6 months I take a secret trek to India where I have a monastery full of women growing their hair out for me to come and choose whichever ladies locks I like the best. Jeff just thinks I'm popping off to Vain Salon in Seattle to get my hair colored by Carissa.

10) I invented transwarp teleportation. This is how Jeff thinks I am simply at the salon when I am in fact, in India getting my hair weaved. Gene Rodenberry borrowed my idea for his famous "Star Trek" books and television shows. I get paid $2.14 in royalties each week.

11) $2.14 * 52 weeks = $111.28 in royalties that I receive from the Rodenberry foundation each year. I spend it on gum and gloves. Which I usually bury in my parents back yard each 12th day of the month at 3am. This has been going on for years. This is the first they'll be hearing about it.

12) I've had 4 concussions in my life.

13) I hate it when people blame their Thanksgiving sleepiness on triptophan overload. It's a myth, I tell you. A myth! Triptophan does not make you sleepy! This is just an excuse for the men to slink off and take a nap and leave the poor women in the kitchen doing the dishes!

14) If I owned my own business, I would open a little shop and call it "Rachel's Sandwich Shop." We would serve tacos, and gelato, and nothing else. Not even water. You'll have to bring your own water. In an eco-friendly container, as I am allergic to styrofoam.

15) I easily get distracted by sparkly things. This makes my wedding ring particularly hazardous to people that are driving on the road with me on a sunny day. I got stuck in the elevator for 6 hours yesterday just going up and down because I had just had my ring cleaned, and forgot what I was doing.

16) You know how normal people crave different foods? I crave things like lipstick and mascara and pink cardigans.

18) I've had 4 concussions in my life.

19) So, I have this idea for a great movie. It's about two gnomes who find a bracelet of power, and they have to take it to the Burning Steppes and cast it into the Cauldron. They form the Brotherhood of the Bracelet. Along the way they're trailed by a murloc named Gottom, who's obsessed with the bracelet, and nine bracelet bogeymen. It could be a three-parter, called 'Ruler of the Bracelet'. The first part would be called 'The Brotherhood of the Bracelet', followed by 'A Couple of Towers', with the climactic ending called 'Hey, the King's Back!' I tried to pitch it to Wingnut Films and New Line Cinema, but they wouldn't go for it. They said it'd already been done. Must find out who this Peter Jackson fellow is and kill him. Along with his muse, some guy named JRR Tolkein.

20) I don't care about Team Edward or Team Jacob. For me it's all Team Sylar. There's simply no other way to go.

21) I was a praying mantis in another life. It was kind of a lonely childhood. Along with all the other pressures of adolescence, there was the constant threat of being devoured. People would say "Hey, where's Billy?" "Oh Billy? He got devoured!" It made it really hard to get up a decent kickball game. So I started conquering galaxies instead!

22) I pretend that I care to read intellectual books by Jane Austen and Charles Dickens. But really, all I care about are Sophie Kinsella novels. And that Stephanie Meyer lady. Oh, and I like that JK Rowling lady too. She's quite lovely.

23) I've had 4 concussions in my life.

24) I'm a compulsive liar.

25) I like pancakes.